I wish I could tell you this story took place many years ago when my brothers and I were just children. The truth is that all three of the Laney boys were full-grown adults when we almost set our dad on fire.
At a family gathering in Ohio a few years back, my dad fell asleep on the couch (as he is known to do after a large family meal, or a small family meal, or after just about anything). We were all in the family room watching a ballgame or something on television when my middle brother, Ryan, started playing around with the lighter that was used to start my parents’ gas-log fireplace. You know the kind of lighter I’m talking about – the one with a little trigger and 6- or 8-inch neck that allows you to light something without burning your hands.
Ryan discovered that when he pulled the trigger back just far enough, he could release the Butane without actually igniting a flame. The tip of the lighter made a hissing sound when Ryan did this.
Dad Laney
In an attempt to aggravate our father, Ryan held the tip of the lighter down next to my dad’s ear and made the hissing sound by pulling back on the trigger. It didn’t wake our father, who could sleep through a hurricane coming through Neyland Stadium during the Florida game. Not getting the desired result, Ryan did this repeatedly, pulling the trigger back just far enough to release Butane without sparking a flame – each time he placed the tip of the lighter a little closer to dad’s ear.
Finally, after about three or four attempts, Ryan put the tip of the lighter so close that it appeared to actually be going INTO our dad’s ear. He released butane repeatedly in an attempt to wake our dad. Then, he pulled back just a little too far on the trigger.
A bright flame, about a foot high, erupted from our father’s ear – who immediately woke up and, for a second or two, appeared to be levitating about three feet above the couch. Dad was not amused … but Ryan, John and I laughed hysterically for about the next three days. Every time we thought about the look on dad’s face, and the look on Ryan’s face, when my dad’s ear momentarily became a flame-thrower, it would start all over again. We laughed until we cried.
I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong with our family, but we do know how to entertain ourselves. I’m also pretty sure my dad still hides the fireplace lighter.